


Official Procedure

by bonestilts



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: M/M, You can decide, i wrote this entire thing whilst listening to You Rock My World by Michael Jackson, is this happy, or is this kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 13:45:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16019150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonestilts/pseuds/bonestilts
Summary: Benji and Ethan have a long night ahead of them in Ecuador.





	Official Procedure

**Author's Note:**

> did you know i used a location generator to come up with quito, equador. i was pretty excited.  
> also (dont yell at me i know i still have to work on field tenderness and pink water) i wrote this for a spectacular artist on tumblr by the name of @strudelcreep, she does beautiful work and im very envious of her skill but also crying most of the time because of it so, there's a balance in there somewhere. 
> 
> i saw her benthan drawing of them kissing and then benji anD I WAS SHATTERED AND SCREAMING. i just had to write something, even if it took up a lot of my time and delayed future updates on other fics, this was 100% worth it. enjoy babes.

“You don’t have to stay up with me, you know. You can go to sleep whenever. I’ve got t-this covered.”

Ethan’s voice was quiet in the still air. He was practically whispering, three feet away, but his words (as well as the chattering of his teeth) still carried themselves into Benji’s ears; sounding crystal clear. It was a freezing night in Quito, Ecuador where Benji found himself shivering furiously in his well-worn, red flannel shirt, attempting to tuck himself into his sleeping bag as best he could whilst still sitting up. He and Ethan were almost huddled together, legs drawn close to their chests as they perched themselves by a window and watched. Watched for people, lights, cars, sounds. For any sign of life, really. 

They were sent to Ecuador for a certain someone in particular, a former agent gone rogue, he’d snatched up a few important government codes from the suits before fleeing to New Zealand, Australia, and now Brazil, where he apparently thought he was safe from the agency’s follow up. Wrong. Benji had never heard of him before, but he assumed Ethan did, and had possibly been friends with him before he decided to turn down the bumpy road. Benji recalls being shocked when Ethan had been hesitant to accept the mission. There'd even been a flash of hurt, or was it disappointment, in his eyes when his name was mentioned. Benji had been confused, from the secretary’s rundown the task sounded pretty damn easy. Maybe even too easy for Ethan to agree to. 

Yet here they were, currently sitting tight on watch for their man, who had been spotted entering the building opposite them much earlier that day. Well, Benji looks down at his wrist, it was well past midnight now — he’d been spotted _yesterday_ , then. The two of them had been sitting here for over five hours. Benji's eyes tell him he’s over tired, all droopy and stinging occasionally, but his mind tells him otherwise. He’s got a job to do.

“Nah, I think—“ he yawns, “I think I’m good for at l-least another two hours.” Ethan doesn’t verbally reply, only nods, Benji gets the sense that he doesn’t believe in his ability to stay awake. “Plus, I wouldn’t want you staying up all by yourself, who’d y-you have to listen to your rambling then?” he whispered back.

Ethan hardly smiles, he usually sticks with professionalism at times like these; which was very, very fucking early in the morning. “It’s protocol that we s-speak as little as possible. And I’m not the one who rambles.” 

The sharpness of his voice, even through a hushed tone, causes Benji’s ears to warm slightly. He was visibly tired, maybe even exhausted, yet his voice was as masculine and controlling as ever. The fact that Ethan didn’t mean any harm when he used that tone was unspoken, everyone knew it was hard to anger the man, everyone knew that it’d be even harder to get him to be angry at Benji. Nevertheless, Benji didn’t know how to react when a man like Ethan Hunt spoke to him commandingly. It did horrible things to his heart. 

“Yes, sir.” Benji decided to play around a bit. It wasn’t often that he got to stay up all night with Ethan, they’d been friends for many years, but never had he had the privilege of sitting with him for hours on watch. They had the opportunity to catch up on so many things, if only Ethan would stop insisting they follow the protocol so closely.

“Don’t call me sir,” Ethan didn’t sound controlling anymore, Benji felt oddly disappointed, “I’m not that m-much older than you.”

“Eight years is a significant age gap, and you are my s-s-superior. Shouldn’t it be protocol?” 

Ethan snickers lightly at Benji’s jab, “My parents are eight years apart, f-found each other in their twenties, still happily married.”

Why Ethan felt the need to reassure Benji that eight years diffidence in a relationship was acceptable and achievable, he had no idea. He did feel a ping of appreciation that Ethan felt comfortable enough to share that personal information with him, though. It wasn’t often that he got, although an admittedly small amount of, insight into Ethan’s past life, way back at home. Benji only knew the basics, the stuff everyone at the office knew; that he’d grown up on a farm as an only child, broke his collarbone playing rugby in sixth grade and enlisted into the Army instead of attending his high school graduation. Funny that, such an Ethan thing to do.

“I dunno the gap between my parents.” Benji felt the need to give up some of his life, like a trade, “Dad bailed as soon as I p-popped out, mum died from breast cancer, went to live with my auntie but she overdosed, and my nan wouldn’t budge whenever I asked about my parents. No way of knowing now, the secrets are l-lost. Mind you, I was too young to remember any of this happening, so d-don’t go pitying.”

“I wasn’t going to pity.”

“Thanks.” Benji whispered back through buzzing lips. It was too cold to not be moving about.

If Benji was expecting Ethan to continue the conversation, to rebound Benji's facts with a bit more of his life, he was very wrong.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, both surrendering as the chilly air gripped at their revealed skin. Ethan shuffled around after a few moments to pull his beanie off and stubbornly push it under his nose, “Here.” Benji hadn’t even realised that he’d stopped shivering all together, a clear symptom of approaching severe hypothermia. Benji was reluctant to pull the beanie over his messy hair, he could feel the warmth from Ethan’s head on the material as he gripped it with his fingertips. A reminder of what he couldn’t possibly have.

“You’ll tell me if it gets worse, won’t you? If you start to feel too hot?” Ethan’s concern was evident through his murmur. 

“Y-yeah, sure t-thing.” 

“Oh, and Benji?”

Benji hummed, he’d given up speaking. His jaw was shaking erratically. 

“Seriously, don’t call me sir. It m-makes me feel too old, or that I’m somehow better than you, which I’m not, at all.” Ethan fiddled around with the binocular dials, “I’m not even your l-leader, remember this is a two-man mission.” 

Benji felt his throat constrict, “Yeah? Well, with or without the t-team, you’ll always be m-my leader at heart.”

Ethan turned his chin over his shoulder and side-eyed Benji, he returned the look. Was it a mistake to look back so intently at Ethan? Where he discovered that Ethan had the most insane hat hair, he must have scratched his head from under the beanie, causing it to spike up in random places and look downright bedhead material, and god-awfully cute. Or that despite sounding like he was about to fall asleep, his eyes were wider and more alive than ever, looking owlish, and staring at Benji like a damn puppy; making his stomach drop uncomfortably. Or that as a stupid man, he hadn’t changed into his sleeping clothes, was still wearing a black shirt under his signature dark grey jacket, which now looked ruffled and warm, and welcoming to Benji’s hands — that yearned to roam the solid chest beneath. Yes, it was a big mistake. 

“Not sure how to respond,” Benji wanted to laugh when Ethan’s eyebrow rose suggestively, “but t-thanks for that.” The agent turned his head away, guiding his focus back through the pair of binoculars balanced on his knees. 

“No p-problem. Any time you need an ego boost, come to me.” Benji knew he was coming off a bit rude, a little forward, and most certainly annoying. But who could blame him? He was dreadfully tired, had very few mental filters at this time in the morning and was freezing to death in a disgusting abandoned building, all with the man he’d been admiring for years. The situation was begging for Benji to embarrass himself in some way or other. “I’ve got plenty of d-descriptive compliments right up my s-sleeve, ready to hand out at a moments notice.”

“That’s good to—wait, my ego’s not that big, is it?” 

This time Benji could hear a hint of a smile in his voice, still whispering, though he didn’t look over to check.

“I mean, I could always m-make it bigger. Who says big is a b-bad thing?” Ethan looked over again, Benji looked. Ethan's smile was evidently sly this time, his lips curved up higher on one side of his mouth, flashing some sharp teeth, he looked incredibly sexy. Benji flushed suddenly, “Oh! No, no, no no no, not t-that I meant—I wasn’t talking about dicks—or _your_ dick f-for that matter—not that I would know how—I’ve never even—don’t get the wrong i-idea when I say _big_ —I only mean that I c-could always—“

Unknowingly, Benji had raised his voice into a near shrill. Ethan became alarmed.

Ethan tried to stifle his laugh with the back of his hand, knocking the binoculars in the process of raising it to his mouth, and creating a large noise when they hit the wooden floor. Ethan grabbed for Benji’s knee, but missed, attempting to shush him whilst also fighting back his own giggle. The sound of Ethan laughing _at_ , not with, Benji stripped him clean from confidence, there were no more urges to take conversation risks.

“Shhhhh—be quiet.”

Benji was getting worked up, he was panicking over his own ego, the one that was being washed down the drain as Ethan continued to smirk at him. He felt mildly ashamed when he admitted to himself that, no, he couldn’t handle being embarrassed in front of Ethan, and felt even more ashamed when he realised that what Ethan thought of Benji affected him more than he'd initially thought, “You’re the one t-throwing around t-the cursed binoculars, don’t tell me—“ 

“Okay, okay, just shhhhh, stop babbling then.” 

“Right.”

Benji frowned at the fact that Ethan still had that damn grin on his face, he’d failed to make him smile with his uptight jokes, but now that he humiliates himself with his own stupidity, Ethan decides to laugh at him? _It’s mockery,_ Benji concludes, huffing out a deep sigh and looking back down at his lap, trying to rearrange his legs in the sleeping bag so that he was more comfortable. 

A car driving down the street below them pulls Benji out of his thoughts, it looks small from their viewpoint. It’s painted black and doesn’t have any lights on, he can’t tell from here but they’re either broken or smashed out completely; the latter would be suspicious. The car slows down outside of the apartment their target is supposedly hiding out in, no one gets out; definitely suspicious now. Ethan audibly holds his breath and cranes his neck a little further as he focuses his binoculars on the car. Benji has nothing to do, so he doesn’t do anything.

“F-150,” Ethan whispers to him.

“Not our guy.”

He may not be able to suss out whoever was peeping out though the windows in the other building like Ethan can, but he does have a great memory, and the report said nothing at all about a Ford F-150.

“Maybe we’re not t-the only ones after him?” 

“Couldn’t be, Brandt would have told us i-if we weren’t alone on this.”

As if to prove his point, the Ford begins to pull away. Turns out they only needed a quick break, probably to get a baby under control in the back seat, or check their map on the dashboard. Bloody tourists. 

“You’re always right.” 

Silence fell upon them once again. Benji’s teeth were still clattering, his hands gripping tightly at the lip of the sleeping bag, trying to pull it up to his chin was failing, there was no way it would stretch that far. His shoulders were freezing (despite wearing the warmest piece of clothing he owned), his neck skin burning from the cold and he couldn’t stop sniffling. Benji was a mess, a big bundle of ice. 

“I really w-wish we brought the damn puffers.” He pushed through gritted teeth, his mood was no longer cheery. He was frigid and miserable, and knew Ethan could sense it.

“Mine’s downstairs, I can go get it for y-you if you’d like?” 

_Great, a random act of kindness._ Now Ethan was trying to make it up to him for laughing straight in his face and damaging Benji’s self-esteem; meaning he was aware that he’d made Benji question his worth so dramatically, which somehow made everything just _that_ much better. 

“And make you go down f-four flights of extremely creaky stairs, which could l-lead us to giving away our positions, p-possibly compromising our entire m-mission, all for a coat? No way, Jose.”

Benji couldn’t bare to look over the shoulder that was pressing against his jawline (he’d balled his body up to trap any warmth), he could see in his peripheral vision that Ethan was looking at him, no doubt with his puppy dog expression too; big green eyes, puffed out bottom lip, hair all disheveled. If Benji peeked, he’d give in. 

“M’kay, at least let me—“

Benji heard more shuffling, something hard was placed with care on the ground, banging lightly against the wood, then there was scraping against the boards. Benji saw Ethan move about, his dark figure came closer until there was a heavy weight resting on his slouched shoulders. 

Ethan had dragged his sleeping bag over to Benji and was now pulling him in tight with an arm around his shoulders. He was trying to warm him up. He asked anyway.

“What are y-you doing?”

“Warming you up.”

Ethan squeezed his left shoulder and tried to drag him closer, Benji was hesitant to lean his head on Ethan’s collarbone, wasn’t sure if that was too much, too close. He did anyway, nudged his head right up against Ethan’s shirt, most likely scratching Ethan’s throat with the beanie. His chest was radiating heat, Benji’s cheek was already beginning to warm up just from being pressed into the hard muscle of Ethan’s upper-body, his shivering had started up again (which believe it or not, was a really good sign). 

This wasn’t something males agents do to each other. Hug after a mission is accomplished, snuggle up close in individual sleeping-bags for warmth on mornings like these, link arms for support, grab wrists to stop each other from falling out of buildings; that stuff male agents can, and do, do. But cuddle up to each other when it’s not exactly _that_ necessary? One arm around the shoulder pulling the other close to their chest, resting their chin on the top of their head? Enjoying the proximity? No, never heard of before. 

Thinking about the wrongs and rights of it stressed Benji out, he desperately tried to push them out of his mind and just live in the moment; of The Ethan Hunt cuddling him. Ethan had even initiated it, it wasn’t his idea nor his action, he couldn’t be blamed when they got back to the office and were yelled at by the secretary, disavowed even. But God he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t comfortable, or warming him up surprisingly fast — though Benji was certain most of the heat was coming from his own cheeks, he was extremely flushed. 

Yet Benji was sulking, he felt stiff in the shoulders, he was still peeved at Ethan, he wasn’t going to let it go that fast. Ethan wasn’t even shivering anymore.

“You know, if y-you’re just doing this because you wanna make it up to me, you’re gonna h-have to try harder, big man.” 

“Make what up to you?”

“For laughing at me.” Benji lifted his head slightly and gave Ethan a quick glare, who was trying hard to meet eyes with the face below his chin, “I know I embarrassed myself, but I thought you’d have enough sense in y-you to not—“

“Whoa, whoa whoa. Benji, I didn’t laugh at you, I wasn’t—that’s not what made me laugh.”

Benji lifted his head higher, putting his weight on the palm he had on the ground between both their sleeping-bags, he was awfully close to Ethan, “I thought it was because I got all—okay, what was it then?”

“It was just—no, well I mean—you sounded,” Ethan wasn’t whispering anymore, he looked panicked, his eyes had left Benji’s and were instead staring at his hand on the ground. 

_Making up excuses, he’s trying to make up a damn excuse. I’ve never seen him act like this, all nervous and shit._ Benji tried hard not to let himself smile, he’d caught him, and suddenly he wasn’t cold anymore either.

“Come on, now, you’re not getting out of this anytime soon, in fact I’ve got all morning. What was it?”

Ethan took a deep breath, he looked oddly serious, a bit cautious but thoughtful at the same time; like he was throwing the idea of committing to something back and forth in his head.

“You were… cute. That’s all it was, I wouldn’t—so it’s not—” he takes another breath, “I wasn’t laughing at you.”

Cute.

“Oh.”

There it was, the feeling again. Somewhere deep in his chest, pulling at his heart, making his pulse race and stomach drop. He fears speaking again because he knows his voice will come out uneven and shaky, he’d choke up with the desperate desire to just lean in and kiss him already. He and Ethan are so close together. They’re not quite nose to nose, but there isn’t much distance to close if he wanted to be. Benji looks up into Ethan’s eyes, those gorgeous green eyes with a mixing of amber, like autumn leaves fallen into a murky pool, and realises for the first time that he was staring right at Benji’s lips. It's mutual. 

Benji takes in the rest of Ethan. The dark messy hair, soft looking and practically begging for Benji’s hands to be in it, the flush of his cheeks from the cold, the way the tip of his nose is dusted with pink, his long eyelashes almost covering the entirety of his eyes because he’s too busy looking down, down at Benji’s mouth instead of into _his_ eyes, the stubble that’s growing back despite it only being two days since last shaving; Benji knows because he was there with him, marvelling at the way Ethan’s shoulder muscles moved under his thin shirt as he leaned over the sink. It’s about time for Benji to get his confidence back.

“They don’t say anything about this in protocol.”

Benji is the one to start leaning in, Ethan follows shortly, inch by inch, though not close enough. Not yet.

“Doesn’t mean it’s alright.”

Ethan’s voice is back to a whisper, even quieter, really. He’s nervous, hesitant, Benji can hear it in his wavering voice; he’s scared of punishment, of what this will become of them if they continue any further. It was playful before, but now it’s sinful. 

“Of course, it’s alright. We can do this.”

Benji’s tilting his head now, he’s reassuring him, waiting for it, welcoming it. 

“No, we can’t.”

Ethan closes his eyes, his lips are parted. He wants it just as badly as Benji does.

“We can.”

Benji finishes on that by pushing up on his hand and colliding mouths with Ethan. They both have chapped, dry lips, but the warmth of another person, of contact, is unbearable. Benji makes a sound in the back of his throat, he shifts closer and grips onto the lapels of Ethan’s jacket, closing the space between their chests. Ethan breathes through his nose when he opens his mouth further, allowing Benji to help himself to biting and sucking on his bottom lip. He feels high on Ethan Hunt; on his pinewood and gunpowder scent, the taste of his mouth, the sounds he makes when he pushes his tongue against Benji’s, the way he’s ripped off his beanie and gripped the back of his neck, both pulling at and soothing the fine hairs there. Ethan begins to smile into the kiss, there’s a giggle somewhere deep in his throat and Benji can’t help but—

Then it all stops. Benji opens his eyes to darkness. He gradually makes out the details of his ceiling, his ceiling at home, in his isolated apartment. Immediately, Benji pushes his hands across the bed from the under the duvet and feels the space on the mattress beside him. There’s no solid, no dent in the bed from the weight of another body, the bedsheets aren’t in any way warm. He turns his head on the pillow, silently pleading to see a dark mop of hair lying next to him, or a tanned face, theres nothing there. 

It was all apart of his imagination — his wild, sporadic imagination. It felt so real. 

Benji sits up suddenly when he realises that there’s blood pumping in his ears, it’s awfully loud and distressing. Benji looks at the other side of the room, staring right into the wall and lets himself sweat. Lets his heart beat right up in his throat, seemingly suffocating him. He allows his cheeks to feel flushed, his body to feel all hot and bothered. He accepts the fact that his hands are clenched and he can’t seem to relax them, or that his eyelashes are wet and his shoulders are shaking. Though his heartache is too fast for his liking, he doesn’t like that he feels himself falling in love; knows the symptoms of it, knows what it does to him and how it _always_ ends. It’s such an indescribable feeling, overwhelming too.

Benji rests his face in his hands, digs his fingers into his eyes and feels the wet from his cheeks on his palms. When he’s steadied his breathing, he trails his hands down onto his chest, feels the soft flannel material of his warmest shirt; the very same one he was wearing in the— he feels the thumping of his heart, it hasn’t yet slowed down, still beating against his fragile ribcage. Benji doesn’t know if it ever will slow down when a man like that is in his life.

“God damn you, Ethan Hunt. What are you doing to me.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my friends !! i hope you enjoyed and didnt notice too many mistakes.....
> 
> (if you know some of my other works and are waiting, uh, ill update them soon dw)


End file.
